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TRICK
OR TREATS
 
PLOT
A woman has her rich husband committed to a mental institution.
“Several years later”, the woman goes on a “business trip” with
her boyfriend and leaves her son in the care of baby-sitter Linda
on Halloween night. Linda endures a hellish evening of handing
out candy and chastising her mischievous charge for playing pranks
on her. Things change from bad to worse when Linda starts getting
creepy phone calls from the boy’s father, who has just escaped
from the institution and is hell-bent on coming home for revenge.
REVIEW
Director Gary Graver (a.k.a. adult filmmaker Robert McCallum) worked
with Orson Welles (who is credited as a consultant on this movie)
and did cinematography for dozens of exploitationers before directing
“Trick or Treats”, his first mainstream movie. One would think that
he might have learned a thing or two about making movies over the
years from looking at his credentials, but after watching “Trick or
Treats” you have to wonder what the hell happened...maybe he spread
himself too thin considering that he wrote, directed, produced, shot,
and edited this turd burger and didn’t prove to be adept in any of
these departments.
I first saw “Trick or Treats” about ten years ago and was completely
devastated at how dull and slow-moving it was. After re-watching it
last night, my opinion wasn’t changed much, but at least age has
granted me more patience with exercises in tedium. For the first hour,
I was almost convinced that this was actually a parody of slasher movies
(albeit a very stupid one). It starts out with a semi-nude scene with
Linda (played by an actress who looks about forty and acts like she’s
twelve) talking on a rotary phone...in the shower!? It only gets more
absurd from here on folks!
And speaking of absurdity...the cast. Carrie Snodgress plays the
mother and David Carradine plays her boyfriend. Their performances
are pretty much fifteen minute cameos, which I was thankful for because
they really started to creep me out, especially Snodgress, who looks
like she’s going to choke to death in the tuxedo she’s wearing. Also in
the cast is Steve Railsback (this man played Charles Manson with eerie
accuracy...why he ended up in this shit is anyone’s guess) as Linda’s
boyfriend, Paul Bartel playing a bum, Catherine Coulson (who went on
to play The Log Lady in “Twin Peaks”), and Graver’s lard-ass son playing
the little boy.
So anyway, to make a long story short, nothing really special happens
for the first hour. We get mind-numbingly stupid dialogue, lots of
darkly lit sets, repetitive scenarios wherein Linda is subjected to
various magic tricks from the little boy which lead to hysterics from
her, an in-joke scene with two bimbos editing a horror movie...it just
goes on and on and on...FINALLY, one of Linda’s gal-pals shows up to roam
endlessly through the house until she’s stabbed (I think) by the killer.
That’s a lot to sit through for such a meager payoff. The killer then
sets his sites on Linda and one of the silliest stalking scenes ensues
with Linda trying to make a getaway in her (stalled) jeep as the killer
screams things like “Are ya goin on a journey?”...huh? I won’t spoil the
resolve for you, but I will tell you that it has to be seen to be believed...
tack on a stupid “shock” ending and there you have it.
As a slasher, “Trick or Treats” plummets to new depths of ineptness...for
that it might be worth a look for indiscriminate cheese-lovers. As a black
comedy...well...the first hour had me convinced (even though none of it is
really funny), but the film’s final act is played too straight-faced (sort of)
to be comedic. Overall, if the movie hadn’t insisted on being so stupid,
blended the horror with the humor a bit better, and gotten a capable leading
lady...this MIGHT have come off a TAD more bearable...but as it stands you
barely catch a fart off of “Trick or Treats”.
GORE
I was really dumbfounded here...they obviously had some stage blood
lying around the set...why wasn’t it used? The little gore that is
in here is pretty badly lit, so we don’t get to see too much...even
if the fx would have come off bad, at least it would have given this
movie SOMETHING to make up for the lack of thrills.
SOUNDTRACK
Hmmm...nothing really noteworthy...a lot of it sounds like stuff
lifted from a fifties drive-in movie. There’s a really bad pop
song at the end credits.
BOTTOM LINE
I have a hard time believing that this “Bottom-Line” thing influences
anyone’s decision to see one of these movies. If you’re a slasher/bad
movie buff you’ve probably already seen it and burned the thing afterwards.
For those of you who haven’t, I would have to go with my conscious and
tell you to avoid...AVOID...AVOID. If you’re going to watch a slasher,
watch something that actually has some slash...if you want a parody, watch
something that’s an actual parody. “Trick or Treats” is somewhere in limbo,
and maybe that’s for the best.
Review
By: The ScareMaker
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