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MOVIE
HOUSE MASSACRE
PLOT
A movie theatre proprietor finds his business failing and his
girlfriend cheating on him. He decides to murder everyone in the theatre
and commit suicide. Flash forward to the eighties: A successful theatre
chain buys the old theatre in hopes of renovating it. The owner sends
in a group of teens, not telling them of it's murderous past. They are
bumped off one by one until the final showdown between the bubbly end
girl and the spirit of the killer.
REVIEW
Somebody out there had to really believe in this piece of crap to get it a
release. If you're anything like me and see the word "massacre" in the
title of a film, you'll snatch up that mother so fast without a second
thought... but we know deep down that the word doesn't guarantee a classic,
and "Movie House Massacre" proves that point well.
This one has the privilege of being graced with the appearance of Mary
Wornonov (in a completely thankless role). She's about the only thing that
sets this one apart from the rest of the rancid bunch. The rest of the
actors are ridiculous as they fake their way through their roles of
poodle-haired heroine, her waterlogged boyfriend, the mean slut and her
sidekick, and the sleazy owner of the theatre. Okay, the mean slut actually
has some shining moments, but that's not enough to carry this movie.
We're talking Ed Wood as far as the production values go. Hell, we're
going beyond Ed Wood; this movie knows that it's a big joke, yet it's so
completely oblivious to the fact that it's a pathetic joke. If you don't
mind a little supernatural/slasher twist to your sketch comedies, than maybe
this is the flick for you.
GORE
Hardly. A really bad decapitation, a scene with a girl trapped in a
popcorn machine (maybe the most original idea).
SOUNDTRACK
Pseudo-Goth shit banged out on a keyboard, shoved down a moose's throat
and then yanked out its poop-chute.
BOTTOM LINE
Only watch this one to see how bad it can be...I would probably give this
half a star if I could, but I have to go with the lesser of the two evils.
Seeing Mary Woronov is an asset too. NOT seeing it wouldn't ruin your life
either.
Review
By: The Scaremaker
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