Texts of
the Demon's Monkey
as Related by Darth Cricket....continued
Part The
Forth:
May 3/01
Now there was a small
group of The Wise Ancient Ones who were being generally, or I
should say, particularly ignored, partly because they found
agreement amongst
themselves but also because of their appearance. Admittedly they
stood out like sore thumbs. There was no body hair or odour, no
sweaty armpits, an absence of crazed hysteria about their eyes
and instead, their eyes were like large, dark lenses, kinda like
those dumb bug eyed sunglasses that some idiots wear, and most
obviously, they were wearing leather and denim!! But because they
were a visible minority, their theses were outvoted and dismissed.
It seems
they had some inside info or perhaps noticed something that was
constantly being overlooked by the majority, or, maybe even both
and were keeping an eye out for it. And it so happened that there
it was on oneof the tablets.
|
There were
references in other ancient texts and one in particular
described by a sage or a visionary, or a prophet, or
someone by the name of Walt Ezekiel Disney, of a vehicle
whose appearence was like "a wheel within a wheel a
rollin' way in the middle of the air". But what was
most exciting, because it was totally unexpected, was a
sketch of a monkey-like figure which can be seen at Mazda
near Macho Peacho! |
This group was
constructing a theory of evolution and working towards
identifying "The Missing Link", and that higher
intelligence, the missing ingredient, was transmitted by contact
with ET, directly or indirectly...
Now it came to pass, after a millennia or two that Demon Monkey
began to feel a little restless despite Satanic Squirrel's
assurances that she was not stretching his
generous hospitality and overstaying her welcome. But, be that as
it may, one day Squirrel had to inform Monkey with great
diplomacy, that due to a bad harvest that year, there was a
shortage of banana products and their derivatives to fullfill all
the customers' demands, so Squirrel, rather than excercising his
rights according to The Law of Supply and Demand, to raise prices,
he honourably maintained his pricing by reducing the portions.
"What!! Damned fiendish!" The Demon Monkey went through
the roof, so to speak. "This is an insult, an outrage...no,
more than that, this is blasphemous...a sacrilege! I'll starve!!"
Demon Monkey by now had assumed semi-divine status, and Satanic
Squirrel had acquired some more wisdom and knew if he stood there
long enough, being ready to duck at any time, that all outbursts
were like volcanos, and once the top was blown, it would
inevitably subside.
Now Monkey's top was screwed on real tight and seeing that she
was getting nowhere with him, decided to take up The Thin Copper
Rod and once again declare in Cosmic
Volume, "It's been real, but a Monkey's gotta do what a
Monkey's gotta do! So ol dude, ol buddy, I'm off on an adventure,
a veritable journey of self-discovery and
you can't come."
Squirrel offered her a
hanky and said,"Have a good blow and bundle up what you need
in it and tie it to your stick...er, I mean, your Symbol of
Cosmic Authority. Oh, and just a piece of advice, on your journey
of self-discovery, don't forget to include your shadow, it's like
a compass. Remember, I know lots about shadows. Later Dude!"
and turned again to polish the solid copper fittings on the bar.
Long walks have an interesting effect on the mind as it tends to
cause the head to think! Is it possible that the seat of
intelligence is in the feet!? Whatever, that thought'll have to
wait, the greater prioity is the observation that so far on the
trip there was no apparent sign of other creatures except those
damn ants. Bloody things are everywhere. Almost makes you feel
alone all over again. "Quel bummer!", that's foreign
for depressing. "Wonder if Squirrel misses me? He bloody
should!" So comforting herself with that thought, she forged
on in a north-easterly direction, according to her shadow, whom
by now she stopped arguing with and learned to
trust a bit. (Step#1 in the journey of self-discovery: listen to
your shadow - D. Cricket)
One day as she was foraging for roots, berries and succulent
shoots, she stubbed her toe on this brown, ball-like thing kinda
sorta like an oversize walnut, and SH*T did
it hurt!! "I'll get even with with this stoopid thing!"
she snarled, then unpacked The Thin Copper Rod and took one big
swing and brought it crashing down on it's dumb
head and it split in two and splashed all sorts of whitish liquid
all over Monkey's face. "Schluck!" she screamed and was
about to spit the stuff from her mouth to issue forth further
invective and expletives, when she drew very quiet and instead,
swished the liquid back and forth in her mouth and all around her
palate making all sorts of weird ,disgusting, little noises.
After a final gargle she swallowed and burped. "Very
pleasant and most refreshing, and look, the shell seems to
contain a white, almost meaty substance. Well if the juice is
good then let's try some of this. Ahhh... delicious." So the
famished thing devoured the stuff. "Who needs bananas!?"
Not yet satisfied, actually far from it, she looked about for but
she couldn't find a single one. "Why Me!?" she
complained bitterly and got pissed again and whacked her rod
against the nearest tree... thud..thud, thud.... thunk, "Ahaaghh!
My poor damn toe! Why it?" Limping around in circles ,
gritting her teeth, grunting and tripping over more of these
infernal delights she realized that they came from up in that
tree and it dawned on her that it could have been worse, one
could have fallen on her pointy little head. So Monkey made a
thorough glutton of herself, napped for a few days and pressed on
with
all she could carry. (step#2 in the journey of self-discovery:
self-reliance - D. Cricket)
|
Having passed
on through woodlands and grassland she came upon a flat
muddy area that ran alongside a river. So what, you ask?
Well in the mud was a strange looking track that The Demon Monkey never had seen before. It was kind of 'sticky' like 'twigs' if you know what I mean. No? Well then it's like four thin lines, slightly rough with sharp points on the ends. They radiate out from the centre with three more or less in front and one to the back. Now there was definitely a pair of them, one in front of the other and slightly apart. |
Monkey followed these
prints and sucked her way through the muck leaving prints of her
own for which she got some kind of thrill. (3.5 million years
later some Wise
Ancient Ones discovered tracks like these in probably this very
same ancient riverbed in present day Tanzania at Olduvai Gorge -
D. Cricket)This is some kind of deep
psychic gratification similar to the megalomanic syndrome that
Graumann's Theater offers the modernday wannabe deities. (step#3
in the journey: a healthy or whopping
great self-image - D. Cricket)
Demon Monkey had this
creepy feeling like hundreds of tiny ants crawling up her back as
she continued to follow the trail. She has a real thing about
ants. Then, like as if she was in a dream that was about to take
a turn for the worse, the prints just plain disappeared! CREEPY!!
No more ants but a dry mouth, clammy paws, and a heart pounding
her rib cage like a sixteen ounce drum stick. She couldn't decide
whether she was having an anxiety attack or a nervous excitement
upon encountering an unknown creature to subjugate and accept
fealty. (step#4 in the journey: converting self doubt or fear
into an advantage - D. Cricket)
Well a mystery is just that, and as such, time is the solution to
all mysteries. So Monkey hightailed it out of the mud before it
got too hot to the shade of the trees on the riverbank to wait
out the mystery. Just as she was approaching the bank, a dark,
grey, featureless shape swiftly crossed Demon Monkey's path and
was gone before you could count 'two fingers' or a 'double,
double'! "Holy Sh*t and Double She*sh! Where the Hell is
Squirrel when you need him?" The Demon Monkey scrambled up
the
bank and secreted herself in the shade under the trees and
cracked open a well deserved ballnut.
For three cool nights and four sun baked days Monkey waited and
watched the mud flats. Yes, it seems Monkey is learning some
patience, but don't tell her that or you'll blow it.
Monkey was also
observing that the mud was getting harder and harder. Her
curiosity and inventiveness was stirring again to the possibilty
of another great step forward in creature comforts, a new
religious system and the rudiments of the formal educational
process. She got an idea! Down the bank and accross what used to
be mud she scooted, mostly because the stuff was so damn hot,
that when she reached her tracks and the other creature's she
stopped and marvelled that they were rock hard. "Wowsers!"
Idea!
There must still be some wet stuff near the water that I can
bring back to the trees. And so there was and brought back with
her a big lump.
| Being the
creative monkey that she was, she played with all sorts
of shapes while she was waiting on the mystery. Actually,
she had forgotten all about it. In the end she was
proudest of three pieces: one, a self portrait which was
a female figure, of course, with healthy breasts and large hips, such was the fashion at the time, it was a true representation worthy of a Goddess; second was flat peice that she made all sorts of neat lines and scribbles on; and lastly she made an object that sort of reminded her of a miniature, upside down anthill, hollowed out with a bit sticking out that you could grab. It was very useful for holding a drink so she was going to give it to Squirrel as a souvenir of her trip and on it she inscribed, "to my very best friend and worst enemy, wish you were here, don't ya?" |
|
Had she
been paying the least bit of attention she might have noticed
this sleek, black and beautifully iridescent creature perched on
a dead branch on the same fallen log
that Monkey was sitting on. She was totally self absorbed and was
prattling away to herself once again trying to fight the boredom
and sighed, "Alone again."
"Nevermore." was this word uttered in a cruel and
mocking voice.
Monkey was too stunned for words as you might imagine, not having
seen anything but vegetation, earth, air, wind and fire for so
long.
"Nevermore." it repeated in it's menacing way, fixing
The Demon Monkey with it's deep, black, beady eyes.
Monkey recovered her cool instantly, "Dr. Livingstone, I
presume?"
"Fraid not, Poe's Raven the name.... my card." says he.
"Well I'll be...a bird that sings." Monkey was
impressed.
to be continued...
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