There are no more men in white coats any more.
 
But there are men in suits who come in from time to time and peek in the windows.
 
Watch me bang my head on the floor.
 
Watch me walk up and down the halls with my left hand thrust into the interior of my vest. 
 
Near my heart. Or what’s left of it.
 
Do I have a heart?
 
Hold on one moment. I will see.

 
I almost died.
 
The nurses turned away from their lesbian-induced squabbling and looked at me real queer when I picked up the clipboard.
 
I wasn’t interested on that useless piece of paper on top. Or that hard clapboard beneath it. Although it could be used to bash someone’s skull in.
 
But I digress.
 
The ninnies watched me pull that precious metal ring from the top of the thing.
 
You know what I’m talking about.
 
The thing where you try to stick your pencil in. And after a while you just say fuck it and shove it under the hook where the papers go.
 
And then your damned papers fly out.
 
And, well, you know the rest.
 
Papers hit the floor. People step on them.
 
And then you have to kill them.
 
Well, most of them.
 
After you use your shoe to bash two of their brains in, the others just sort of run.
 
This type of behavior is deemed “herd mentality”. 

At least that’s what it's called.
 
But I digress.
 
I pulled the metal thing off of the board thing. And I proceeded to do one of my little experiments on myself.
 
I had the piece of metal halfway in my chest and I had a faint glimpse of my ribcage when an alarm went off.
 
The ninnies were screaming.
 
And all at once four large homophobic men were on top of me.
 
Blood was everywhere.
 
Someone had their magnificently muscular arm pressed against my neck and I passed out.
 
I woke up in a bright white room filled with beeping things.
 
Wires sticking out of me.
 
I hated that place.
 
They let me out after I burst open one of the bags attached to my veins and bit into it.
 
I was as shocked as the nurse on duty when the cheap piece of plastic actually burst when I dragged my teeth across it.
 
It didn’t taste too great. I mean, I’ve eaten raw gallbladders that tasted worse.
 
It was kind’ve salty before it burned my tongue. 
 
And the stuff gushed everywhere.
 
When the nurse got up I shook some in her eyes.
 
She was screaming when the big homophobes came in.

Then I passed out again.
 
And when I woke up, I was here beside you.
 
Say, you are an interesting chap. More interesting than me. 
 
I wonder.
 
You don’t say much. Real quiet like.
 
Like my first wife.
 
She talked a lot after I buried her. In the backyard.
 
I would go out after dinner. And sit on the spot where I tossed her.
 
After I hit her with he shovel.
 
We would talk for hours beneath the stars.

About life.

Art.

And the joy of living.
 
I fell in love with her all over again. As she lay in the ground.
 
She wept when they found her, you know. When they dug her up.
 
I wept too.
 
I wept because there were no men with white coats.
 
I thought for sure they would come after they dug up the other ones.
 
After I told them where to find them.
 
You look very uncomfortable.
 
Does that mask hurt?
 
My, my. They have you tied up nice and tight in that chair. 
 
Here, let me help you.
 
You are a joy to talk to. I am often quite lucid after several days of banging my head against the wall.
 
The pain makes me think clearer. Pain is a balm.
 
Ah, I see you have hidden your pills under your tongue. 

Dear boy, how can you stand the taste?
 
Don’t spit them on the floor, the ninnies will see.
 
Here, let me undo those straps.
 
There now. And the mask. Since your arms are free it would do well for you to remove the mask.
 
No? You like that thing? Well suit yourself, boy.
 
Oh, you have to go? Okay then. I hope to see you again soon. 
 
Are you sure you are alright? You seem a bit unsteady on your feet. Perhaps I can help you to the door?
 
No? Well, I guess you must be on your way then.
 
As for myself. I will just sit here. For a few moments in my chair.
 
Tis a pity that there are no men in white coats. What a fright they must have put in the neighborhood when the big white van pulled up.
 
Don’t you agree?
 
Oh, I see that you are quite engaged.
 
I wish that I could help you in your present endeavor, but the pain in my chest is quite unbearable on this day.
 
I will simply sit and watch. And hope that during your excursion you will take pity on an old fool, and perhaps toss a bladder my way.
 
Oh... a heart. And it still beats! How kind of you sir. How very kind.
 
Hmm... it tastes of ashes.
 
And drips of the fluids from a homophobe.