Where o where is my sweet Tumblebum?

I didn’t mean to drive you away. Daddy didn’t like the sound coming from the cellar. He said that if it didn’t stop he’d go down there and kill whatever in the hell was making all that racket. I couldn’t let that happen, not to my sweet Tumblebum. I didn’t want to, but I had to send you away Tumblebum, I just had to.

I told him he could come back but I don’t think he understood. All Tumblebum knew was someone he cared about was shoving him into his hole screaming at him to leave. I couldn’t let Daddy catch him, he’d add his cute head to his collection in the den.

My sweet Tumblebum will you ever come back? I didn’t mean it I’m sorry.

I still remember the first time you came to me. I was in the old coal room in our basement hiding from Daddy. He came home and said he felt Daddy’s urge. I hate his urge, it always hurts me. I try to hide but he always ends up finding me in the end. He says that I’m his daughter and I have to help his urge.

While I was hiding you came through the coal room’s dirt walls. You were so little when I first met you. I named you Tumblebum the first time I held you. I don’t know where the name came from, it just appeared in my head. You got so big so fast. I can’t figure out why Daddy never noticed the growing hole in the wall of the coal room. But then again you were always good at hiding yourself my sweet Tumblebum. You even taught me how to hide from Daddy when he felt the urge.

Daddy and his urge would usually get me later when I was sleeping but you’d always come up to my room and make the hurt go away. You’d stay with me until morning when Daddy would come and get me for school. You’d be waiting for me when I came home. You always made sure that we were quiet when we played because of Daddy. When Daddy left us we were plenty loud. Running all through the upstairs of the house. I gave up all my friends to keep playing with you sweet Tumblebum.

When Daddy was gone hunting I always liked to take naps in the soft fur on your stomach. Your soft voice that when you read stories to me to make me sleepy. You grew so fast – I’m still small but you almost touched the ceiling and are as wide as the love seat in the living room. We’d go into Daddy’s den and look through his things. I knew I wasn’t supposed to but you made sure he didn’t know. I remember how sad you looked when you saw all of Daddy’s trophies for the first time. We didn’t go into Daddy’s den much after that. A few of our neighbors wondered what was going on when I had you up stairs but they knew better than to ask. Everyone around us is a little afraid of Daddy I think.

You lost your fear of Daddy my sweet Tumblebum. Each time he came for me you started to get closer to him. Each time I shooed you away. I knew what Daddy would do if he found you. He’d take one of his guns from the den and use it on you. I can’t lose you Tumblebum. That’s why I had to send you away for a little while. I hope you come back soon.

I didn’t want to but you started making more noise down there. Even Daddy started to notice you walking around. Going down there that night was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I cried for thirty minutes before I opened the door, when I saw you I almost started crying again. I knew I couldn’t let you see me cry, then you never would’ve left. I know you seen me sobbing when I pushed you through that hole. I think you were crying too. I’m so sorry about that.

I couldn’t stop crying when I saw your brown fur disappear in your tunnel. I slept there all that night. Every night for the last two weeks I’ve sat down here in the coal room praying for your return. One time last night I thought I saw you but I didn’t, I know that now. I want you back.

I want to feel your soft brown fur. I want to paint your long black claws pink again. I want to see you crush Daddy’s fire logs with your teeth again. I want to climb to the top of your head again and touch the ceiling without lifting my arms. I want to see your yellow eyes glowing in the dark always protecting me. I want you back Tumblebum, I WANT MY TUMBLEBUM BACK! I WANT YOU TO COME BACK RIGHT NOW! I promise Tumblebum I’ll never push you away again. I don’t care what Daddy says; I’ll make him keep you around. I’ll even tell him that I won’t run when he feels the urge. Please come back to me Tumblebum, please come back. I’ll leave this note here for you to read if you ever come back.

I’m sorry Tumblebum.

I’m really really sorry, I never want to be away from you again Tumblebum.

Tumblebum came back to me! My sweet Tumblebum woke me up by putting the letter in my arms. He’s standing behind me while I finish it at my desk. He told me that he’d never leave me again. He read the letter and knew there had to be a reason for me pushing him away. He told me that he loved me and how sad it made him to be away from me. He never wanted to be away from me again either.

I won’t have to worry about Daddy or his urge anymore either. Along with the flowers Tumblebum gave me he also gave me another present. He made me close my eyes while he carried me up to the den. He opened the door and I found Daddy’s head on the wall with all of his other trophies.