Bwee-a-Bayz or ‘Hot Lips’ Stew
from the ancient Gallic stew, Bouillabaisse: bouillier - to boil; baisser - to
kiss
*Note!! It has been observed that most regions who regularly serve this dish note a marked increase in their population! Not only that, but their children reach puberty at a far earlier age!! As a precaution, if you want it, we advise the old adage, “Why feel half safe – tie it in a knot!”
5# – anaconda entrails
10# – barracuda kidneys
40 – white Siberian broccoli,
40 - brussels sprouts
3 - wild garlic
4 - baboon roots sliced
13 - *kelp weeds
2 - *Damiana shrub stem
1 –
dbl shotglass grated *High
John the Conqueror root
1.5 tbl Red Sea salt
fresh ground *Kava Kava root to taste
4 gallons - *Absinthe
.5 cup - *catnip
1.5 cup - cow pea not bullshit
35 thick slices bulrush/cattail bread
1 vial -
*Patchouli
Directions:
Bludgeon the aquaceous creatures into bite size chunks – decapitate the Siberian broccoli in case they want to start another revolution, and feed them to the creatures – peel and slice Brussels sprouts – combine in oil drum that belonged to a famous Esso band – crush 1 wild garlic and add to drum – add sliced baboon root, *kelp weeds, *Damania shrub stems and grated *High John the Conqueror Root – pour 6 gallons boiling water + Red Sea salt, fresh ground *Kava Kava root, and *absinthe – bring to a furious boil and cook for 20 min or until meat flakes while constantly skimming off the froth and fats should they fall onto the flame and ignite the kitchen. Besides, you can make a most intriguing little sauce base with it for many other dishes. – Now, crush the other 2 wild garlic and assimilate with *catnip and dessicated cow pea – soak crustless cattail bread in water ‘n mix with wild garlic mixture – pass *patchouli oil over 1 quart of ‘creature’ stock and fan it like the devil – spread oil mix over the cattail bread and put in soup bowl – ladle soup (for that’s what we’ll call it – others argue that it’s stew – but soup sounds more classy) over bread and “over the tongue, down the throat, watch out stomach here we come!!”
One Eye Soup
Same as Bwee-a-Bayz except with an added garnish of a Giant Squid’s eye floating in the middle of the bowl! FUN! Just in case you think no one’s looking, you can never be too sure with that eyeball floating in the stew. And you can’t shove it to the bottom of the bowl, or anchor it under a bit of root, cause it always floats to the surface.
(Note – we used to leave ‘After Eight Mints ‘ with the bill, but now we are giving you the choice of Tums!)
Wondering about all those pesky ***’s? They are merely directing your curiousity to the biochemical properties of the ingredient.
*kelp
weeds
- Kelp is rich in many vitamins and
minerals, among them iodine, necessary for the proper function of the thyroid
gland. Lack of iodine can result in excessive physical fatigue and a lowered sex
drive
*Damiana
shrub stem
- The inhabitants of the U.S.
Southwest and northern Mexico have used Damiana for many years as a remedy for
nervous disorders, and as a tonic and aphrodisiac.
*High
John the Conqueror root
- to increase the
potency of whatever it’s added to
*Kava
Kava root
- leaves increase sexual desire and
prowess, which is native to the Polynesian Islands, It has been used by the
Islanders as a religious and visionary herb and aphrodisiac for most of their
history
*Absinthe
- the leaves and stems of
hand-picked Artemisia Absinthium (Wormwood) and is then macerated in herbs. The
resulting spirit is a mesmerizing green that clouds when water is added (known
as Louche). Used as a cure-all, it was nicknamed "La Fée Verte" or
"The Green Fairy"; associated with magic, mythology and provocatively
intoxicating female figuresOscar Wilde added: "The first stage is like
ordinary drinking, the second when you begin to see monstrous and cruel things,
but if you can persevere you will enter in upon the third stage where you see
things that you want to see, wonderful curious things".
*catnip
- Used in love charms and incenses.
*Patchouli
- an aphrodisiac and to attract lovers
